Wednesday, June 20, 2012

No Father For Father's Day

Someone told me recently that the reason she thinks I'm special is because I'm "willing to risk my heart". Hopefully sharing this part of my story, won't be too much... I'm not a strong person. Yes, I can turn the pedals of my bicycle and I can defend myself if I need to, but for the most part I'm a girl with pink hair that likes her princesses and fairy tales. Losing a parent means you have to muster up a different kind of strength to carry on. Very few of my friends have lost a parent. My friend, Princess Shannon, lost her mom. I just can't imagine the strength she has to handle that. 

For the most part, I do pretty well at being thankful for the years that God blessed me with the best father a girl could ask for. For some reason, this father's day knocked the wind out of me. I was sick for 11 days with a nasty bug that left me weak and vulnerable. Plus I always get very emotional as the LiveStrong Challenge approaches and then came Father's Day. I was just a mess. 
My dad lost his battle with Cancer 4 years ago. I took care of him every day for 7 1/2 months when he was battling Cancer. I took him to his daily radiation appointments, chemo treatments, fed him through his feeding tube and watched him sleep. When he got stronger, we walked around his neighborhood together. Then he had surgery and he was left in a coma for 36 days. He woke up once. I was the only one there. The nurses came in and saw that he was awake and I frantically called my family to come to the hospital. He slipped back in the coma before anyone else could arrive.

The doctors scheduled a meeting with the family. I knew what they were going to say. I felt like I was the only one fighting for him. I did my best. I said everything I could say to try to get them to change their mind. Have you ever had a panic attack? I did. Right there in the hospital. I went running down the hall and I couldn't catch my breath. I got into a restroom and wanted my clothes and jewelry off. I felt suffocated. I couldn't breathe.

It was scheduled. My father would die the following morning. My shoes felt like they were filled with cement as I walked into the hospital. My father showed me that I was right in trying to fight for him. The doctors said that he would go right away after the machines were turned off. My dad hung on for 2 1/2 hours. He was a fighter. 

He was only 69 when he lost his battle against Cancer. 

On Father's Day, I usually help the kids make pancakes for my hubby and then in the afternoon, hubby goes to see his dad and I go for a bike ride out to the cemetery to visit my dad. I didn't get to do that this year because hubby wanted to invite our families over in the afternoon and he wanted me to be there. So I went to visit my dad the day after Father's Day. I did a 48-mile bike ride and brought my lunch and sat at the cemetery enjoying memories and the cool breeze. I brought my dad his favorite Oreos.
On Saturday, I will be cycling 100-miles in our 5th LiveStrong Challenge for our Eddie's Angels team to make a difference in the lives of those battling Cancer. I haven't ridden much this year at all and I'm worried about not having trained for the event, but I'm going to do my best for my dad. My daughter, Mellissa, won't be riding this year since she is 8 months pregnant with my first grandchild, but she will be volunteering at the rest stops. I wish my dad could be here to meet his first great grandchild.
Thanks for listening and allowing me to get out the feelings that I've cooped up this past week. I didn't make Father's Day cookies, but since this is a cookie blog, I'll show you some past cookies that would have worked out well for Father's Day.

I love you dad and I miss you every single day. I know that God loves me because he chose you to be my dad.
I am $80 away from my goal of raising $1000 for the LiveStrong Challenge this Saturday. If you'd like to be a part of the Eddie's Angels team by making a donation, please click the picture of me and my buddy, Lance Armstrong, below and THANK YOU for your support! If 8 people donate $10, I'll hit my goal and together we will be a part of something bigger than ourselves and make a difference in the lives of those battling this horrid disease.

Father's Day blog background for today


  1. Thank you, Cristin, for sharing the hardest post ever. Sending you a big hug.

  2. Beautiful post, Sweetheart. Heartbreaking still. Be safe on your ride and keep us posted when you have a chance. Love you! mom

  3. I'm sorry that you have been ill and that you are worried about your upcoming ride in memory of your Dad. This was a big piece of your heart that you shared with us in this post and I can imagine how difficult it was. Every year of your Live Strong ride your Dad has been with you, helping you turn those pedals just one more time. He will be with you this year too and when your legs feel that they just can't take one more rotation, they will and you will how. Best wishes on Saturday and know too that many others will be cheering you on.

    1. You always make me tear up Paula. Thank you so much for your kind comment. I will remember that when I'm pushing those pedals on Sunday! Big hugs!

  4. OMG Cristin, I'm sending you a big hug...and let me tell you, I'm a 'softy' and you just made me cry on my b-day. :D yeah, today is my bday and guess what? when I was born it was father's day that very same day!! So, since I was the only girl after 8 boys yeah, my Dad said God had send him a 'gift' for father's day :). As you can imagine my relationship with my father was indeed very especial and I was always his little princes...even after I grew up and had children of my own I was still my father's little princess and he was always my super-hero. Unfortunatelly, I lost my father several years ago and I also took care of him for the last 12 months of his life...yeah, those were the hardest 12 months of my life :(
    Now you know why your message touched me so very deeply. Cristin, I wish that the beautiful memories of our fathers give us that kind of streght we need to carry on. And, blessings to all the wonderful fathers that are now angels in heaven watching after all of us...

    1. Happy Birthday Rosalinda! I'm sorry to make you cry on your special day! I hope you have a wonderful day today and enjoy your birthday! Thank you for your kind comment! I'm sorry about your dad.


Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment! I love hearing from you! Cristin